your parents love me but you hate me
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
