I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize