Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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