i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
