I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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