Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
