dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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