I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Drunk is not a location!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
