i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
