You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
