I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
