Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
