Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He kissed a someone with a penis
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
