I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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