I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
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