Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
