my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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