Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
