I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
