my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just want nice things and good sex
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
