I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i now understand why vodka
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
