One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
