It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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