My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
