mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
