you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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