in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
