Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
