apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
