Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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