why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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