I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
