So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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