i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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