My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
