we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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