he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
