I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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