For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize