I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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