Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
