i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
