yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
