return my video game
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
