did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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