You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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