I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize