Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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