One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
