I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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