C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
