Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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