I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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