I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
