and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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