My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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