May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
