I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
