What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
there was a trapeze. enough said
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
