May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
