i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
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Do I have a choice?
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I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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