Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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