The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
