Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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