the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
