Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
