dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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