i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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