you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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