she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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