I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
