Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
either way he was missing a nipple.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize