Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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