3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
