well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
