Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
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