apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
