I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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