pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
