you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
