if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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