dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
