Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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