Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
