Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
