I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
