Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
