Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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