you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
