you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We need to get me chipped asap
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
