I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
