I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
