AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
